Those were words from my childhood times old men, words I heard a lot, sometimes adressed to me and sometimes to other boys.
Being a true man back then was a rigid concept the way I see it. Being a true man required being hard, serious(not too much laughter or jokes), strong, mastery and practice of strong physical works, lead home decisions above anyone, proper hair cut, endure pain, nule signs of love or sensitiveness and not to cry(these last two were considered weaknesses).
I grew up among the above concepted true men and was raised by one. So I felt, been feeling and feel sad sometimes cause I couldn't and can't (back then or right now), find reasons to admire my father and looking forward to be like him someday( I wanted mostly to be the opposite) beyond his capabilities to work hard and some devotional family ( his birth family)aspects. I loved him though, he was my father and not a bad man, I also hated him a couple of times, cause I consider he wasted too much time immersed in his real-man-hardness -standards drived by society and wrong taught lessons he wasn't able to correct but just followed to the letter without modifying anything according to his own thoughts or time evolution from his childhood and ours as well as the change of circumstances and scenarios.
That, was a waste of his time (to be a loving, standing, engaging, advising, sharing, leaning on father and husband and to enjoy of his family and get involved in his sons growing up path) and ours (mom, my brother and I). That's still sad today, even when non of them are here anymore.
So, lessons I considered valuable from him(my father), I took'em all with me. Mistakes or wastes that I consider he made or had, I took'em all with me as well, but in a different bag, just as a reminder of what I shouldn't, under any circumstances, do.
A man.
The following is strictly my opinion and it's far from being a concept, to which you may agree or not. I'm ok with that. But that won't change my mind.
A man, as I see it, in no particular order, must be:
- Himself and true to himself: One must sponge in everything valuable from those we admire or look up to, because one considers they are good patterns to follow and learn from, but it's one's job to build up the character and personality, list and follow the personal codes, according to what experience and sponging in provided. Act in consequence and follow only his own standards.
-True to his word: I've always liked my word to be easily taken as a guarantee and think one must respect and back up one's word in order to keep it no matter what. If the day comes when one's word loses the truth, respect and trusting values, then it's over.
-Loving and caring: Love ain't a weakness but a strenth. One must love himself first of all, love his family, his friends, and be there for them without hesitations or wastes. Time one spends with those he love has a high value that once wasted can't be recovered.
-Loyal: I don't think this one takes much explanations, but one must stand by his principles and beliefs and be loyal to his ideals and what he thinks it's right. One must also be loyal to those who put their trust in him no matter what. Betrayal is not an option, not to mention it's negligible.
-Brave: A man must face any situation in front of him and go ahead, assuming responsibilities and consequences of any of his acts. He must fight to get through problems and adversities. Not run from them no matter how hard they may seem. Backing down it's not an option.
-Good father: A good father should be hard and soft, teacher and student, advicer, loving, partner, friend, demanding, present, giving, sharing. As I said once in a post, fatherhood is a full time job.
-Sensitive: No man, as hard as he can be, gotta miss this one, a man gotta have feelings and fucken yeah, he can cry, as many times as he needs it. Nuts!!! There's a saying here "Politeness don't take away bravery". There I leave it.
-Good husband: This one has a bit of every previous items and it's not hard to build or follow once one love and want to.
I'm sure I'm missing some up there, but in the sake of brevity I'll stop now, not without mentioning honesty, hard working, solidarity and humility as valuable values in a man. Of course, I like to think I am all that listed up there. So, besides dick and balls I guess that's what makes me the man I am today, who have cried a lot and surely will cry some more in the future, but that won't take me away of my man path.Nuts!!!
But, before I go I'd like to share one more opinion, not mine though, my girl's, as I am at work when writing this, I asked her why does she consider me a man to all. She's lazy to write so she sent a WhatsApp audio, which is also in spanish so I couldn't share it originally even if I'd know how to.
She answered...
Chinese, don't make me write that I'm death(exhausted). Well, first, first, first of all you are father with a fucken two pair of balls(it means I have four, that's something huh? Good start), I mean, after my dad then you are 2nd in the best fathers ever ranking, that's a lot to say. You are mother, father, uncle, grandmother, cousin... everything for those kids, I even consider you are better than their mother, cause you take more care, are sweeter and full of details with them, even the way you cook for them concerning detaily their likes and making sure they'll be happy with your cares, you step ahead at any time, any moment, no matter the situation you are always there for them, you are a full man with those kids, but besides that you are a full man cause you face whatever it comes, who ever it has to do with, with me that I'm your woman, with anyone you always step ahead at any time Chinese and that's really hard to find these days, but you are also a honest man with principles, that when the thing gets hairy (times are hard) never backs down a step.
That's all for today folks. Have you all a great weekend.
Oh, almost forget, the one activity I only do on weekends is writing Weekend Engagement Posts, because topics come out on Fridays and dead line for me is on Sunday. So...
A hug for you all...
The man.
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Comments (2)
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STOPGreat post, thank you for sharing that! I loved how you took apart the stereotype-man and broke it down to what makes a good human, no matter the sex.
Y me encanta la traducción del mensaje de su mujer, está muy chistoso y tierno al mismo tiempo. Leyéndola, mi mente automáticamente hizo la traducción reversa al Español 😅 Si me permites preguntar, por qué te llama Chino?
I'm glad you liked the post and my lived experience in managing stereotypes to transform old beliefs into what I though right.
Bueno, mi esposa me llama Chino porque dice que soy chinito, o sea, que tengo ciertos rasgos chinos que a ella le gustan. Mi mamá también me llamaba Chino prieto y algunos otros que bo me conocen par dirigirse a mi me dicen chino. Muchas gracias por dedicar tiempo a mi post y por la valoración. Saludos.
gracias por la explicación! me lo imaginaba, pero por la foto no pude identificar esos rasgos jajajaja Pero al mismo tiempo me dicen "rubio" a mí, solamente porque mi cabello no es negro como del resto acá 😅